


Vampires? In in my platoon? It’s more likely than you think

by DarkLord935



Category: Alien Quadrilogy (Movies), Alien Series, Aliens (1986)
Genre: Attempt at humour, Gen, Oneshot, Semi-Crack, Vampires, but not really, hudson doesn't know bishop is synthetic, i wrote this at like 3am be gentle with me, no beta we die like hudson, set before aliens, this is the best title i've ever come up with, vasquez finds out and decides to fuck with him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 19:47:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28694169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkLord935/pseuds/DarkLord935
Summary: Bishop is newly assigned to the squad and Hudson mistakes him for a vampire.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 18





	Vampires? In in my platoon? It’s more likely than you think

**Author's Note:**

> Credit for the concept goes to this tumblr post: https://ripuels.tumblr.com/post/190318677416

Hudson’s suspicions were first aroused when he sat next to Bishop at dinner.

Bishop had only just been assigned to their group and Hudson hadn’t really spoken to him yet. So he figured he might as well introduce himself.

“Hey, man, I’m Hudson,” he said, offering a hand. Make a good first impression and all that shit.

Bishop turned slowly to face him. They made eye contact and Bishop stared at him for a few seconds. Piercing, unblinking.

Hudson frowned. Something was... wrong with this guy.

“I’m Bishop,” he said finally, shaking Hudson’s hand. He was unnaturally cold, like he’d only just come out of cryosleep.

Hudson gave a nervous, slightly odd sounding laugh and turned to the table, piling food onto his tray. The cornbread was on Bishop’s side, but there was no way in hell he was gonna ask him to pass it. He decided to just eat everything else and stare longingly at the cornbread.

“Would you like some cornbread?”

 _Shit._ He didn’t think he’d been that obvious.

“Uh, sure, man.”

Bishop slid the cornbread across the table, bringing Hudson’s attention to the fact that Bishop didn’t actually have a tray.

“Are you, uh, not eating anything?” he asked. Maybe he’d eaten earlier or something.

“No. People like me don’t need to.”

“Oh.” That was kind of a weird thing to say. “Okay.”

Now that he thought about it, he was pretty sure he hadn’t seen Bishop eat anything at all.

He shrugged and ate his food. He wasn’t sure why it bothered him so much. Bishop had only been with them for two days, excluding hypersleep. He’d probably eaten plenty, Hudson just hadn’t seen him.

Still, he made a point to watch Bishop at meal times, and over the next few days he was proven right. Bishop never ate. Not once had he seen Bishop eat so much as a grain of rice.

~

A few days later, Drake decided to introduce Bishop to the knife game.

“…yeah, and then you just stab between ‘em like this,” said Drake, doing it slowly. Bishop watched him, eyes focused on the motion of the knife, like he was trying to memorise the pattern.

“You want to try?” offered Drake, holding out the knife. Bishop took it without saying anything and spread his hand out on the table. Hudson leaned forward in anticipation, waiting to see if he would fuck it up.

Bishop started stabbing, slowly at first before speeding up. Hudson figured he had to have done this before. Then he sped up even more and Hudson’s brain bluescreened. He was going so fast that the knife was a blur. Then he stopped.

Hudson stared at him in awe. “How… How the fuck?”

“My kind have superior reflexes to the rest of you,” said Bishop, handing the knife back to Drake.

_What the fuck does that mean?_

That was what convinced him. There was no fucking way this guy was human. As for what that _did_ make him, Hudson was at a loss. He spent the rest of the day avoiding him.

~

That night, Hudson woke up to get food. Halfway to the mess hall he heard noise coming from the recreational area and went to investigate. It sounded like someone was watching a movie, which was strange, because he’d been pretty sure everyone was asleep.

He opened the door to the recreational area. Bishop was sat watching a movie, the back of his head facing Hudson. Maybe he could leave before he noticed he was there.

“Private Hudson.”

_Fuck._

“Bishop, hey man.”

Why did the fuck hadn’t he just got his food and gone back to bed? Why wasn’t Bishop asleep? _Did_ he sleep? Now that he thought about it, he was pretty sure he hadn’t seen Bishop sleep at all since they woke up from hypersleep.

“You’re, uh, you’re awake?”

“I don’t need as much sleep as the rest of you.”

And that’s when it hit him. He didn’t meet Bishop until they went into hypersleep, so he’d never seen him outside. And they since they were in space, which was basically night, he’d never seen him during the day.

Bishop was a vampire.

That was why he never ate. Why he never slept. Why his hand had been so cold. It all made sense now.

Hudson backed out of the door and headed back to the sleeping area. No way was he going to the mess hall alone so that Bishop could suck his blood. He was going back to bed.

~

He sat next to Vasquez at breakfast.

“Hey, Vasquez.”

“What the fuck do you want?”

“Does this Bishop guy seem off to you?

“In what way?”

“Just off, man. You know what I mean? He never sleeps, he never eats-”

“Hudson,” cut in Vasquez.

“You know what I think?”

“Hudson.”

“He’s a vampire.”

Vasquez was silent for a couple of seconds before suddenly cracking up laughing.

“A vampire?”

“Vampires don’t need sleep.”

Vasquez started to say something, probably along the lines of “He’s synthetic, you fucking idiot,” before stopping herself.

“You might be right,” she said instead.

“Wait, really?”

She lowered her voice. “He’s obviously not human.”

“Right?”

“I heard he had big buckets of blood in his lab.”

“Shit. Really?”

“Yeah,” she grinned. “That’s probably why he spends so much time in there, he’s drinking it all.”

“Shit, man. I – I feel like this is something we need to report.”

“Nah, man. We don’t tell anyone. They won’t believe us and he’ll know you’re onto him.”

“So what do we do?”

“Nothing. Just don’t tell him you know. In case he tries to suck your blood or anything.”

“You think he’d do that?”

Vasquez slapped him on the shoulder and left the mess hall.

~

Hudson went out of his way to avoid Bishop for the next few days. He was successful, too, until he woke up to get food again.

All he had to do was get to the mess hall and back. He could hear Bishop watching movies again. He would be easy to avoid. He only got caught last time because he was stupid enough to open the door. This time he wouldn’t make the same mistake.

He snuck past the recreational area. Easy.

He made it to the mess hall and grabbed some cornbread. Now all he had to do was get back. Not that he’d have any problems. Bishop didn’t even know he was awake. Oh yeah, he was the master of stealth.

“Hello,” said Bishop from behind him.

Hudson let out an embarrassingly high-pitched scream.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“What do you want, man?”

_Please don’t suck my blood._

“Why have you been avoiding me?”

Shit. Bishop knew that he knew. He was fucked. This was the end of him.

“Did I do something to make you uncomfortable?”

“You think I haven’t noticed?” blurted Hudson.

Bishop didn’t respond.

“You never eat, Bishop. You never sleep, you have no body heat and you talk about ‘the rest of us’ like you’re not human. I know what you are, Bishop.”

“You do?”

“You’re a vampire.”

Bishop stared at him for a few seconds.

“What?”

“You’re a vampire, Bishop. Don’t try and deny it.”

The corners of Bishop’s mouth twitched.

“That’s your conclusion? That I’m a vampire?”

“I – well, yeah, man.”

“You’re aware that vampires don’t exist?”

“Sounds like something a vampire might say.”

“I’m an android.”

There was a beat as Hudson processed this.

“Oh,” he said. “Oh, thank god. That’s a relief, man.”

“No one told you?”

“No, man.”

“And it made more sense for me to be a vampire than an android?”

“Well, Vasquez also thought you were, so…”

“Actually, Vasquez is completely aware of my android status.”

“Fuck.”

“Will you stop avoiding me now?”

“Yeah, of course, man.”

“Thank you.”

They stood in silence for a minute as Hudson ate his cornbread.

“Hey, Bishop?”

“Mmm?”

“Can you do the thing with the knife?”

“Fine.”


End file.
